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Monday, June 02, 2008

Because apparently NO ONE EVER REMEMBERS ANYTHING 

Anyone within shouting distance heard me recite a variation of this sometime last week:

"Sex and the City will make a lot of money opening weekend.

Not a lot of money by summer blockbuster standards. A lot of money by comedy standards. But considering its budget: a fucking lot of money.

People will notice.

There will be earnest articles and, quite possibly, a cover story in.. say... Entertainment Weekly, and if not that, at least a column, about this surprise phenomenon and the lack of appealing movies for women.

Experts-- that is, people who make a lot of money and/or get a national platform because it is their job to notice these things--will throw up their hands and say WHO KNEW??? Because discovering that 51% of the population might like some movies that occasionally appeal to them, too, is an arcane fucking art.

There will be stern Lessons Learned.

Studio execs will go right back to fielding movies aimed almost exclusively at 18-35 year-old males, with the occasional bullshit romantic comedy starring Kate Hudson thrown as a bone to that 51% of the population. Always released during low points of the movie year. (Valentine's, late August, post-Christmas Day.)"

Guys, it's not hard. I first learned this lesson working at a movie theater when the first Charlie's Angels--abominable piece of shit that it was--came out. We sold out all the Friday showtimes on Wednesday. Considering this was a relatively boutique theater with only 4 showtimes for any movie on a given day, this was completely unprecedented, and never happened again.

Who was buying those tickets? Large groups of women. Usually professionals. 25 and up. They liked our place because we had tables and served varieties of alcoholic drinks right inside the theater. It was Girl's Night Out, in other words, and you better believe each large group dropped at least a hundred bucks. To see a movie.

Same thing this weekend at my local Angelika: three screens, one show beginning every hour on the hour, and large groups of women (and gay men) waiting for their showtime. The Angelika, being wise, offered a "Cosmo and cupcake" deal at their bar, and of course you could bring your drinks into the theater if you wanted.

Full lines. Large groups. Sold-out showtimes.

At 1pm.

On a Saturday.

At an art house theater.

If you've ever worked at a theater of any kind, you know that is insane.

Money. In. The. Bank.

But we won't hear about it again for another two years, and sure enough, all the commentators will once again act surprised when history repeats itself.

WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO REMEMBERS THIS SHIT?

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