Sunday, July 18, 2004
That Guy Needs Comments (or, The Modern Prometheus)
I was kind of surprised that anyone took notice of my little snipes at the "review Eightball #23 or die like a cowardly dog" contest thingy that ADD was running, but Collins took note in his exhaustive and kind of awe-inspiring roundup of all the discussion surrounding said contest.
Here's what he had to say about what I had to say:
The main thing I can't understand about Ken's good-natured ribbing of ADD is why it's apparently unseemly to get so worked up about Eightball but perfectly acceptable to go completely apeshit over, say, Scurvy Dogs. Don't get me wrong--I'm sure Scurvy Dogs is a fun book, but I'm also sure that even its creators would tell you there's a big difference in terms of both execution and intent between a fun pirate romp and what Clowes is doing. This is not unlike the TV critics who sit around bitching about how overrated The Sopranos is, then spend a column on how much they enjoyed America's Next Top Model. I happen to love both shows, but I never lose sight of which one justifies that love more thoroughly.
1) I'm glad Collins understands "good-natured," because ADD apparently does not. In this instance, "good-natured" means "calling someone out for doing something a bit douchey, without making it all personal and saying he should die in the gutter with a dick rotted black with syphillis." When I'm being "good-natured," I'll rib you some, but I'm not going to make childish remarks about your intelligence. Trust me, you will fucking well KNOW when I've taken the kid gloves off.
2) I don't think Collins understands what I was saying. I did not, anywhere, make a sideways remark about Eightball #23, from here on referred to as The Holy Grail of All That Is Comics, or simply THGOATIC. I am not saying it's a bad comic, or unworthy of praise, or whatever the fuck -- I can't make that kind of statement because I haven't read the damn thing yet.
So I'm not sure how it's being read that I think Scurvy Dogs is a blast (it is) while THGOATIC can suck my fat one. I never said that, never made a comparison, etc etc.
(Nor do I have much time for the argument that it is silly for me to love something that is shallow but greatly entertaining while dissing a Work of Great Importance. I don't necessarily lend a story more weight because it's Trying To Say Something; I weigh a story first and foremost on whether it does what it sets out to do well. But that's neither here nor there.)
ADD can talk about THGOATIC as reverently as he wishes to. It still makes him look kinda stupid. If you want to say you think it's stupid that I love a hysterical comic book so much, super; talk to me about it. Comment on it. There's even comments for that! God, I love this country!
So yeah, ADD's sorta being a douche about it, and he opened himself up for all kinds of pot shots. I'd feel a little bad about taking so many shots at him, but then he has to throw in that "axe to grind and double-digit IQ" remark, so I can safely conclude that he earned it.
Hope that clears up any misunderstandings. If not, we can all make a pilgrimage to the birthplace of THGOATIC to seek divine enlightenment.
(Why haven't you bastards entered Rick's contest yet?)
Here's what he had to say about what I had to say:
The main thing I can't understand about Ken's good-natured ribbing of ADD is why it's apparently unseemly to get so worked up about Eightball but perfectly acceptable to go completely apeshit over, say, Scurvy Dogs. Don't get me wrong--I'm sure Scurvy Dogs is a fun book, but I'm also sure that even its creators would tell you there's a big difference in terms of both execution and intent between a fun pirate romp and what Clowes is doing. This is not unlike the TV critics who sit around bitching about how overrated The Sopranos is, then spend a column on how much they enjoyed America's Next Top Model. I happen to love both shows, but I never lose sight of which one justifies that love more thoroughly.
1) I'm glad Collins understands "good-natured," because ADD apparently does not. In this instance, "good-natured" means "calling someone out for doing something a bit douchey, without making it all personal and saying he should die in the gutter with a dick rotted black with syphillis." When I'm being "good-natured," I'll rib you some, but I'm not going to make childish remarks about your intelligence. Trust me, you will fucking well KNOW when I've taken the kid gloves off.
2) I don't think Collins understands what I was saying. I did not, anywhere, make a sideways remark about Eightball #23, from here on referred to as The Holy Grail of All That Is Comics, or simply THGOATIC. I am not saying it's a bad comic, or unworthy of praise, or whatever the fuck -- I can't make that kind of statement because I haven't read the damn thing yet.
So I'm not sure how it's being read that I think Scurvy Dogs is a blast (it is) while THGOATIC can suck my fat one. I never said that, never made a comparison, etc etc.
(Nor do I have much time for the argument that it is silly for me to love something that is shallow but greatly entertaining while dissing a Work of Great Importance. I don't necessarily lend a story more weight because it's Trying To Say Something; I weigh a story first and foremost on whether it does what it sets out to do well. But that's neither here nor there.)
ADD can talk about THGOATIC as reverently as he wishes to. It still makes him look kinda stupid. If you want to say you think it's stupid that I love a hysterical comic book so much, super; talk to me about it. Comment on it. There's even comments for that! God, I love this country!
So yeah, ADD's sorta being a douche about it, and he opened himself up for all kinds of pot shots. I'd feel a little bad about taking so many shots at him, but then he has to throw in that "axe to grind and double-digit IQ" remark, so I can safely conclude that he earned it.
Hope that clears up any misunderstandings. If not, we can all make a pilgrimage to the birthplace of THGOATIC to seek divine enlightenment.
(Why haven't you bastards entered Rick's contest yet?)
Saturday, July 17, 2004
Dear Blogger,
CONTEST!
So apparently contests are the new black, this season. You may recall that GREAT LOSERS GIVEAWAY I hosted awhile back, and the DEMO Giveaway that me and a buncha bloggers put together, and now there's some contest about writing a verbal blow job for some Dan Cloves guy or whatever.
But fuck all that noise.
THE CONTEST TO END ALL CONTESTS IS HERE. Rick at Eat More People has surpassed us all.
The gist:
The challenge is for you to write a review of the comic book pictured above – “Hamster Vice” #1, from Blackthorne Publishing. “Hamster Vice” is a well-renowned indie milestone that broke barriers for hamsters in comics. Without this series, hamsters would still be slighted in this medium today. Though if you go through and do a check of the amount of hamsters appearing on the racks these days, the percentage is still at a low level. But things are building, things are growing. If the word of this oppression can be spread, hamsters may one day be treated fairly and equally.
First, the rules:
The review can be any length, in any form, in any language. I prefer English so that I can actually read it. But if you’d like to write a standard review, write one in iambic pentameter, draw one in sequentials, or film yourself doing an interpretive dance of the review...be my guest. Do whatever you want. It certainly doesn’t have to be overly intelligent and overly clever – everyone’s doing that these days. I want something creative and original. Anyone can throw a couple paragraphs of big words together and call it a review.
Everyone is eligible to win, though I’ll probably end up having a bias towards the entrants who have kissed my ass the most lately. Such is the way of the world.
Email all entries to rick.geerling@gmail.com. The deadline for all entries is MIDNIGHT, Central Standard Time, on July 23rd.
CLICK TO CHECK OUT THE FABULOUS PRIZES.
You want to enter. You will be cool if you enter. Your peers on the internet will think you are cool if you enter.
DON'T YOU WANT TO BE COOL?!
But fuck all that noise.
THE CONTEST TO END ALL CONTESTS IS HERE. Rick at Eat More People has surpassed us all.
The gist:
The challenge is for you to write a review of the comic book pictured above – “Hamster Vice” #1, from Blackthorne Publishing. “Hamster Vice” is a well-renowned indie milestone that broke barriers for hamsters in comics. Without this series, hamsters would still be slighted in this medium today. Though if you go through and do a check of the amount of hamsters appearing on the racks these days, the percentage is still at a low level. But things are building, things are growing. If the word of this oppression can be spread, hamsters may one day be treated fairly and equally.
First, the rules:
The review can be any length, in any form, in any language. I prefer English so that I can actually read it. But if you’d like to write a standard review, write one in iambic pentameter, draw one in sequentials, or film yourself doing an interpretive dance of the review...be my guest. Do whatever you want. It certainly doesn’t have to be overly intelligent and overly clever – everyone’s doing that these days. I want something creative and original. Anyone can throw a couple paragraphs of big words together and call it a review.
Everyone is eligible to win, though I’ll probably end up having a bias towards the entrants who have kissed my ass the most lately. Such is the way of the world.
Email all entries to rick.geerling@gmail.com. The deadline for all entries is MIDNIGHT, Central Standard Time, on July 23rd.
CLICK TO CHECK OUT THE FABULOUS PRIZES.
You want to enter. You will be cool if you enter. Your peers on the internet will think you are cool if you enter.
DON'T YOU WANT TO BE COOL?!
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Oddly compelling.
Le Diamond Noir
I dunno, however that's said in french.
Artist Jon Proctor: Most of the comic books I see leave me with the feeling that the cigarette has been smoked down to the filter. Most of them are sorely lacking in passion, artifice, and real human drama. Comics are fighting a losing battle with advertising, television, movies and video games. The rebellious nature that made pop culture the epicenter for creative experimentation is now a runaway train that's jumped the rails. Narrative expressionism is becoming a parody of itself over and over... What do we do about it? Where will we go when all have forsaken us?
Artist Jon Proctor: Most of the comic books I see leave me with the feeling that the cigarette has been smoked down to the filter. Most of them are sorely lacking in passion, artifice, and real human drama. Comics are fighting a losing battle with advertising, television, movies and video games. The rebellious nature that made pop culture the epicenter for creative experimentation is now a runaway train that's jumped the rails. Narrative expressionism is becoming a parody of itself over and over... What do we do about it? Where will we go when all have forsaken us?
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Radio Free Id
This is just some stream-of-consciousness stuff here. Pay it no mind.
1. WHY does everyone take such beef with the Ultimatizing of the Marvel Universe? With the actual process and idea of it, I mean -- what it means for The State of the Industry is an entirely seperate conversation. Why do we act like it's evidence of the ultimate navel-gazing of superhero comics? Why do we decry it so?
Why do we not realize that, as in so many things, comics are just very late to the game? I mean, how many fucking editions of Star Wars are we going to see before Lucas buys the moisture farm? How many respinnings of the Dracula story? Jekyll and Hyde? How about that TV movie adaptation of King Lear set on a Texas ranch? Romeo & Juliet, ya know, is the most ripped-off story of all time. Reimaginings are the bread and butter of the fiction industry; they're sort of an admittance that, yes, there really is nothing new under the sun, so let's just plagarize.
(Yes, I am aware that Shakespeare did not invent the star-crossed lovers theme, but he codified it so no one else would have to.)
I mean, we even had that Baz Luhrmann thing awhile back, Romeo + Juliet, whose sole saving grace was giving us the single "#1 Crush" by Garbage. God, that song never gets old.
Mostly it's that I have a Claire Danes bias. I hate her. Hate her. HATE HER. Every time I saw more than three minutes of My So-Called Whiny Shitty Stupid-Ass Insignificant Whitebread Dumbfuck Life of No Consequence to Anyone, I wanted to smash the TV in with my erection.
My erection of hate.
2. HAS ANYONE EVER REALLY ENCOUNTERED the mythical comic book store of doom? In the basement of some office building, no windows, murky, dusty, comics just laying in stacks? The clerks are just insufferable assholes bent on making your life difficult, etc, etc? I don't want any stories of comic book stores of your prehistoric youth -- I'm talking about stores in existence right now, still in the black, that operate this way.
I ask because it's such an accepted thing that these stores exist, and that they are Killing The Industry (along with, apparently, Mark Millar and trade paperbacks and/or monthlies) in such a dire way by driving away wide-eyed innocents who wish to get into comics.
I call bullshit on that particular myth.
3. OH PLEASE GOD, DROP THE "SUPERHEROES ARE FASCIST" THING. Anyone with half a brain stem and the ability to read critically can see that this argument is totally preposterous and monumentally moronic. The stupidity of the argument is enough to offend me, but not as much as the motive behind it -- the quest for a moral imperative to hate superhero stories. Anyone espousing that lame-ass fascism argument is doing it so they can appear morally superior to folks who enjoy the genre they despise so heartily.
You guys are like the Church of Satan or the University of Auburn. Seriously. You spend your entire existence decrying some other form of art, rather than just seeking out what you dig. You are useful to no one and advance the form of comic books not at all. Be useful and kill yourself on top of someone's compost pile, a'ight?
Look, I can appreciate that you guys don't like stories about dudes who can fly. Great. That's fine. I don't like 800 pages of self-absorbed, thinly-veiled autobiographical accounts of how the author gets nervous talking to girls. And that's fine too. Viva la difference!
But when you get to the point where you tell me superheroes are EVIL for a variety of reasons, that they are in fact corrupting, well guess what? We've heard that song and dance before, Fredric Wertham.
4. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE MEDIA, IN TWO HEADLINES OR LESS: "Study Finds Car Owners Unaware of Defects: Who's Most at Fault?" No, the headline isn't, "what can be done," or even "click here to find out if your car is one with problems." It's "who's to blame?"
I hate you. I hate you and what you do to us. I hate your leading questions that make us more vile and base than we ever should be. I hate stupid shit like that, because it isn't, "we have a problem, how do we solve it?" It's, "we have a problem, who do we point the finger at while making no real progress?"
You sons of bitches make me sick.
5. PASSED A RESTAURANT TODAY NAMED "GUIDO'S ITALIAN SPORTS GRILL." First: what the fuck is an "italian sports grill"? Second: "Guido's"? C'mon, boys, let's stop being coy. Just name it "Wop's" and get it over with.
The weird part about all this is that I'm actually in a pretty good mood today.
WHAT YOU SHOULD BE PURCHASING BECAUSE YOUR LIFE WILL BE FORFEIT IF YOU DO NOT:
Ursula, by Fabio Moon and Gabriel Ba, two of the nicest (and most annoyingly gifted) comics creators in the biz today. From AiT/PlanetLar.
Video, by Stephen R. Bruell, from Lost in the Dark Press. Proof positive that a striking cover can sell a comic book -- and there's even good shit inside!
You have your orders. Leave me.
1. WHY does everyone take such beef with the Ultimatizing of the Marvel Universe? With the actual process and idea of it, I mean -- what it means for The State of the Industry is an entirely seperate conversation. Why do we act like it's evidence of the ultimate navel-gazing of superhero comics? Why do we decry it so?
Why do we not realize that, as in so many things, comics are just very late to the game? I mean, how many fucking editions of Star Wars are we going to see before Lucas buys the moisture farm? How many respinnings of the Dracula story? Jekyll and Hyde? How about that TV movie adaptation of King Lear set on a Texas ranch? Romeo & Juliet, ya know, is the most ripped-off story of all time. Reimaginings are the bread and butter of the fiction industry; they're sort of an admittance that, yes, there really is nothing new under the sun, so let's just plagarize.
(Yes, I am aware that Shakespeare did not invent the star-crossed lovers theme, but he codified it so no one else would have to.)
I mean, we even had that Baz Luhrmann thing awhile back, Romeo + Juliet, whose sole saving grace was giving us the single "#1 Crush" by Garbage. God, that song never gets old.
Mostly it's that I have a Claire Danes bias. I hate her. Hate her. HATE HER. Every time I saw more than three minutes of My So-Called Whiny Shitty Stupid-Ass Insignificant Whitebread Dumbfuck Life of No Consequence to Anyone, I wanted to smash the TV in with my erection.
My erection of hate.
2. HAS ANYONE EVER REALLY ENCOUNTERED the mythical comic book store of doom? In the basement of some office building, no windows, murky, dusty, comics just laying in stacks? The clerks are just insufferable assholes bent on making your life difficult, etc, etc? I don't want any stories of comic book stores of your prehistoric youth -- I'm talking about stores in existence right now, still in the black, that operate this way.
I ask because it's such an accepted thing that these stores exist, and that they are Killing The Industry (along with, apparently, Mark Millar and trade paperbacks and/or monthlies) in such a dire way by driving away wide-eyed innocents who wish to get into comics.
I call bullshit on that particular myth.
3. OH PLEASE GOD, DROP THE "SUPERHEROES ARE FASCIST" THING. Anyone with half a brain stem and the ability to read critically can see that this argument is totally preposterous and monumentally moronic. The stupidity of the argument is enough to offend me, but not as much as the motive behind it -- the quest for a moral imperative to hate superhero stories. Anyone espousing that lame-ass fascism argument is doing it so they can appear morally superior to folks who enjoy the genre they despise so heartily.
You guys are like the Church of Satan or the University of Auburn. Seriously. You spend your entire existence decrying some other form of art, rather than just seeking out what you dig. You are useful to no one and advance the form of comic books not at all. Be useful and kill yourself on top of someone's compost pile, a'ight?
Look, I can appreciate that you guys don't like stories about dudes who can fly. Great. That's fine. I don't like 800 pages of self-absorbed, thinly-veiled autobiographical accounts of how the author gets nervous talking to girls. And that's fine too. Viva la difference!
But when you get to the point where you tell me superheroes are EVIL for a variety of reasons, that they are in fact corrupting, well guess what? We've heard that song and dance before, Fredric Wertham.
4. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE MEDIA, IN TWO HEADLINES OR LESS: "Study Finds Car Owners Unaware of Defects: Who's Most at Fault?" No, the headline isn't, "what can be done," or even "click here to find out if your car is one with problems." It's "who's to blame?"
I hate you. I hate you and what you do to us. I hate your leading questions that make us more vile and base than we ever should be. I hate stupid shit like that, because it isn't, "we have a problem, how do we solve it?" It's, "we have a problem, who do we point the finger at while making no real progress?"
You sons of bitches make me sick.
5. PASSED A RESTAURANT TODAY NAMED "GUIDO'S ITALIAN SPORTS GRILL." First: what the fuck is an "italian sports grill"? Second: "Guido's"? C'mon, boys, let's stop being coy. Just name it "Wop's" and get it over with.
The weird part about all this is that I'm actually in a pretty good mood today.
WHAT YOU SHOULD BE PURCHASING BECAUSE YOUR LIFE WILL BE FORFEIT IF YOU DO NOT:
Ursula, by Fabio Moon and Gabriel Ba, two of the nicest (and most annoyingly gifted) comics creators in the biz today. From AiT/PlanetLar.
Video, by Stephen R. Bruell, from Lost in the Dark Press. Proof positive that a striking cover can sell a comic book -- and there's even good shit inside!
You have your orders. Leave me.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Radass!
Everybody loves Street Angel. I love Street Angel. It's a very funny book, very off-the-wall, very strange, very much a good time.
But it's no Scurvy Dogs.
The forthcoming issue #5 marks the end of the current... is it an arc? I'm not sure such words can be applied to this book... and as can be seen from the SPECIAL NEATO SILVER INK cover, Our Five Piratey Heroes have Sold The Fuck Out. And it's all the fault of that messed-up little necklace doctor, Dr. Theopolis.
I hate that bastard.
What we're treated to in result is more reminiscent of the first issue than the ones that followed, going for a series of pirates-invading-primetime jokes instead of adhering to some kind of dread continuity. Ever wanted to see Rooneys Andy and Mickey duke it out in sumo diapers? How about how to garnish your mashed potatotes with shrunken badger heads? Rod Stewart, chugging gasoline like it's the very nectar of life?
If your answer to any of those questions is "jesus christ, no" then you probably wouldn't like this title anyway. Fuck away off.
The showstopper is the full-page advertisement for the piratey game console, the Salty Dog 2000. For ONLY (seven easy payments of) $299.99, you too can have access to games like Type or Die!, Return to Castle Naziface, or Man from O.K.L.A.H.O.M.A. This page made me laugh so hard I think I peed a little. HEY! LISTEN UP! PAYMASTERS OF ANDREW AND RYAN! Turn this page into a POSTER!
(True story: Scurvy Dogs #5 prominently features a certain rap superstar who wears a bigass clock on a chain. Just yesterday a friend of my brother's ends up on a plane heading into Dallas next to said rap superstar, and scores some tickets to the Public Enemy show last night.)
What makes me a sad panda is that this is the last issue of SD for some time. Le sigh. Guess that gives you plenty of time to get the first five issues, huh?
But it's no Scurvy Dogs.
The forthcoming issue #5 marks the end of the current... is it an arc? I'm not sure such words can be applied to this book... and as can be seen from the SPECIAL NEATO SILVER INK cover, Our Five Piratey Heroes have Sold The Fuck Out. And it's all the fault of that messed-up little necklace doctor, Dr. Theopolis.
I hate that bastard.
What we're treated to in result is more reminiscent of the first issue than the ones that followed, going for a series of pirates-invading-primetime jokes instead of adhering to some kind of dread continuity. Ever wanted to see Rooneys Andy and Mickey duke it out in sumo diapers? How about how to garnish your mashed potatotes with shrunken badger heads? Rod Stewart, chugging gasoline like it's the very nectar of life?
If your answer to any of those questions is "jesus christ, no" then you probably wouldn't like this title anyway. Fuck away off.
The showstopper is the full-page advertisement for the piratey game console, the Salty Dog 2000. For ONLY (seven easy payments of) $299.99, you too can have access to games like Type or Die!, Return to Castle Naziface, or Man from O.K.L.A.H.O.M.A. This page made me laugh so hard I think I peed a little. HEY! LISTEN UP! PAYMASTERS OF ANDREW AND RYAN! Turn this page into a POSTER!
(True story: Scurvy Dogs #5 prominently features a certain rap superstar who wears a bigass clock on a chain. Just yesterday a friend of my brother's ends up on a plane heading into Dallas next to said rap superstar, and scores some tickets to the Public Enemy show last night.)
What makes me a sad panda is that this is the last issue of SD for some time. Le sigh. Guess that gives you plenty of time to get the first five issues, huh?
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Why I haven't been posting lately.
(Picture removed because Rick and his Firefox are whiny pussies.)
Yeah, that'd be my City of Heroes Ringwood guy. (Note the cigar.)
Any other bloggers want to form up a little blogger team? This hunk of macho's on the Guardian server. Magic > Tanker.
Yeah, that'd be my City of Heroes Ringwood guy. (Note the cigar.)
Any other bloggers want to form up a little blogger team? This hunk of macho's on the Guardian server. Magic > Tanker.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Annoying.
First, posting is low because I just can't get fuckin' Blogger to work. At all.
Second: if you could, post in the comments section tellin gme what online comic book subscription services offer good deals. Will is interested, but he doesn't have a decent shop anywhere near him. TIA, etc.
Second: if you could, post in the comments section tellin gme what online comic book subscription services offer good deals. Will is interested, but he doesn't have a decent shop anywhere near him. TIA, etc.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Is it just me?
Or is everyone having to click on a link to blogspot blogs a few times before the page actually shows?
Man, I hate Blogspot sometimes.
Man, I hate Blogspot sometimes.
Monday, July 05, 2004
FCBD...
...was fun. I like any day where I can walk out the door with a stack of 10 comics, and my wallet never left my pocket.
A fair amount of people showed up to my beloved Zeus, most heart-warmingly parents walking around with their Yu-Gi-Oh-enslaved children, actually looking at other comics. It's like the cigarette industry without all the cancer: hook 'em while they're young.
Met Greg from Viper, and because he is a rocking rocker who rocks rockingly, he hooked me up with a special edition Dead@17: Blood of Saints #3 that not only has a neat cover, but it also touched up my hair cut and makes a lovely omelette. It's just that special.
Scott "Omnipresent" Kurtz was also there. You can't throw a stick in the D/FW area without hitting a Scott Kurtz appearance. Nice guy, but I think he's stalking me.
Fanboy Radio was there. Yeah, I don't really care.
Ghostwerks Comics were also there, but I know jack shit about their work, so I would've felt like a jackass talking to them. Honestly none of those titles appeal to me, which is probably a bad thing to say coming from the guy who's all about advocating local comics, but... there you have it.
Honorable mention to the NYC Mech guys and the Beckett guys, the latter of whom put out the intriguing Ballad of Sleeping Beauty, and the former, well, I totally forgot they were there till just now.
Anyway, I have actual opinions on FCBD, but I'm going to talk with El Zeus Owner first, and get back to you with something like formulated commentary at a later time.
Obscenity Quota: Fuckstick. Shit chomper. Cockmonkey.
A fair amount of people showed up to my beloved Zeus, most heart-warmingly parents walking around with their Yu-Gi-Oh-enslaved children, actually looking at other comics. It's like the cigarette industry without all the cancer: hook 'em while they're young.
Met Greg from Viper, and because he is a rocking rocker who rocks rockingly, he hooked me up with a special edition Dead@17: Blood of Saints #3 that not only has a neat cover, but it also touched up my hair cut and makes a lovely omelette. It's just that special.
Scott "Omnipresent" Kurtz was also there. You can't throw a stick in the D/FW area without hitting a Scott Kurtz appearance. Nice guy, but I think he's stalking me.
Fanboy Radio was there. Yeah, I don't really care.
Ghostwerks Comics were also there, but I know jack shit about their work, so I would've felt like a jackass talking to them. Honestly none of those titles appeal to me, which is probably a bad thing to say coming from the guy who's all about advocating local comics, but... there you have it.
Honorable mention to the NYC Mech guys and the Beckett guys, the latter of whom put out the intriguing Ballad of Sleeping Beauty, and the former, well, I totally forgot they were there till just now.
Anyway, I have actual opinions on FCBD, but I'm going to talk with El Zeus Owner first, and get back to you with something like formulated commentary at a later time.
Obscenity Quota: Fuckstick. Shit chomper. Cockmonkey.
Sunday, July 04, 2004
Son of...
Mark's doing it again. That whole "Comics I Shouldn't Own" thing. I'm not sure why; maybe it's sweeps week over there at the Abysmal Pit.
I mean, okay, I know why: because it's fucking funny. This time around it's Sleepwalker, that ol' Sandman done right, if by "right" you mean "fucking retarded" title:
Rick leaves his apartment to talk to his girlfriend Alyssa, who is no doubt a dancer planning to study architecture in college, but some thugs attack her in a convenience store and Rick passes out. RICK SHERIDAN PASSES OUT SO SLEEPWALKER CAN SAVE HIS GIRLFRIEND. This has got to be the worst superpower since ever. A comedy goldmine, perhaps, if played for laughs ("Man, what a sloppy vagina Rick is, passing out when something exciting happens"), but I get the feeling from this issue that the whole thing is played straight. For a few dozen issues.
Read the rest. Uncle Sam would want you to.
I mean, okay, I know why: because it's fucking funny. This time around it's Sleepwalker, that ol' Sandman done right, if by "right" you mean "fucking retarded" title:
Rick leaves his apartment to talk to his girlfriend Alyssa, who is no doubt a dancer planning to study architecture in college, but some thugs attack her in a convenience store and Rick passes out. RICK SHERIDAN PASSES OUT SO SLEEPWALKER CAN SAVE HIS GIRLFRIEND. This has got to be the worst superpower since ever. A comedy goldmine, perhaps, if played for laughs ("Man, what a sloppy vagina Rick is, passing out when something exciting happens"), but I get the feeling from this issue that the whole thing is played straight. For a few dozen issues.
Read the rest. Uncle Sam would want you to.
Quick thoughts.
Spider-Man 2 -- It's a damn good movie. Everyone figured out their groove the first time around, and this one is pure payoff. Spider-Man 2 is the best superhero movie ever made in the sense that it's finally figured out the balancing act between the main character's real life and masked life. It is far from the best superhero movie that can be made; it is, in fact, not even the best movie of the year. But it'll still treat you right.
It still bugs me that "Spider-Man" has a hyphen when "Batman" and "Superman" don't.
Napolean Dynamite -- I'm going to hazard a guess and say filmmakers Jared and Joshua Hess have a copy of the Rushmore Criterion DVD on their shelves. Probably the screenplay, too. I'll go so far as to say they can probably recite Bottle Rocket line by line. Why do I say all this?
Because it's evident that these two guys very much want to be Wes Anderson. What they haven't figured out is that behind the maladjusted characters driven by their idiosyncracies, the intentionally tacky production design, and the "slice o' life" stories found in Anderson movies is a reason for the audience to give a shit about anything that happens. Napolean is boring and distractingly off-putting, his friend Pedro is wooden to the point of comatose, and the rest of the cast are obvious, one-note caricatures.
Come to think of it, it's like a latter-day Christopher Guest movie without the pedigree.
ADDENDUM: The apparent nomination of ND into cult classic status is yet another reason why that rather ridiculous argument that because audience members aren't as nerdy as Peter Parker, they can't enjoy the movie as much as comics readers from the '60's is complete and total bullshit. There isn't a single redeeming, interesting, or even sympathetic quality to Napolean, but mindless trend-zombies are looking for their next Donnie Darko, so there you have it.
Of course I see the rest of the thread and realize someone already made that point. Gah.
It still bugs me that "Spider-Man" has a hyphen when "Batman" and "Superman" don't.
Napolean Dynamite -- I'm going to hazard a guess and say filmmakers Jared and Joshua Hess have a copy of the Rushmore Criterion DVD on their shelves. Probably the screenplay, too. I'll go so far as to say they can probably recite Bottle Rocket line by line. Why do I say all this?
Because it's evident that these two guys very much want to be Wes Anderson. What they haven't figured out is that behind the maladjusted characters driven by their idiosyncracies, the intentionally tacky production design, and the "slice o' life" stories found in Anderson movies is a reason for the audience to give a shit about anything that happens. Napolean is boring and distractingly off-putting, his friend Pedro is wooden to the point of comatose, and the rest of the cast are obvious, one-note caricatures.
Come to think of it, it's like a latter-day Christopher Guest movie without the pedigree.
ADDENDUM: The apparent nomination of ND into cult classic status is yet another reason why that rather ridiculous argument that because audience members aren't as nerdy as Peter Parker, they can't enjoy the movie as much as comics readers from the '60's is complete and total bullshit. There isn't a single redeeming, interesting, or even sympathetic quality to Napolean, but mindless trend-zombies are looking for their next Donnie Darko, so there you have it.
Of course I see the rest of the thread and realize someone already made that point. Gah.
Saturday, July 03, 2004
He speak pretty.
Johnny B pretty much nails what's good (and bad) about Midnight, Mass: Here There Be Monsters:
It's puzzling to me, given that this title had a wee "best series lately you didn't read" buzz about it after the first limited series came out, that John Rozum chose to script the follow-up in such a low-key fashion that this entire series has barely left an impression on me. He's got great leads, and a imaginatively conceived premise for them, but this LS was just one static scene after another, full of talky conflicts, with much of the actual action (you know, scenes in which things happen) happening "offscreen", between the panels if you will. Frustrating, more than anything, because it reduces most of the drama and tension, something a series like this needs in spades. Rozum's got to understand that if he wants us, the reader, to care, then he's got to make us care, and not just assume we will because we like Julia Kadmon or Jenny the secretary or Magellan or whomever. I suppose we can just chalk this series up to the sophomore slump, because while the first MM series had its share of nits as well, it moved a lot quicker than this one did. I'll keep my fingers crossed for next time, knowing full well that there may not be a next time. Art-wise, Paul Lee did a solid, dependable job- sometimes he was a bit Maleev-ish when it came to the conflict scenes we actually got to see, but he depicted much of this in an imaginative fashion, and I prefer his work to the fellow who did the first series. Better luck next time, I guess.
I probably would have taken five times that much space to say precisely the same thing. But then, that's why he's Johnny Effin' Bacardi, and I'm, you know, the guy who says "fuck" a lot.
It's puzzling to me, given that this title had a wee "best series lately you didn't read" buzz about it after the first limited series came out, that John Rozum chose to script the follow-up in such a low-key fashion that this entire series has barely left an impression on me. He's got great leads, and a imaginatively conceived premise for them, but this LS was just one static scene after another, full of talky conflicts, with much of the actual action (you know, scenes in which things happen) happening "offscreen", between the panels if you will. Frustrating, more than anything, because it reduces most of the drama and tension, something a series like this needs in spades. Rozum's got to understand that if he wants us, the reader, to care, then he's got to make us care, and not just assume we will because we like Julia Kadmon or Jenny the secretary or Magellan or whomever. I suppose we can just chalk this series up to the sophomore slump, because while the first MM series had its share of nits as well, it moved a lot quicker than this one did. I'll keep my fingers crossed for next time, knowing full well that there may not be a next time. Art-wise, Paul Lee did a solid, dependable job- sometimes he was a bit Maleev-ish when it came to the conflict scenes we actually got to see, but he depicted much of this in an imaginative fashion, and I prefer his work to the fellow who did the first series. Better luck next time, I guess.
I probably would have taken five times that much space to say precisely the same thing. But then, that's why he's Johnny Effin' Bacardi, and I'm, you know, the guy who says "fuck" a lot.
Friday, July 02, 2004
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Good. You know your music. You should be able to
work at Championship Vinyl with Rob, Dick and
Barry
Do You Know Your Music (Sorry MTV Generation I Doubt You Can Handle This One)
brought to you by Quizilla
And who are you to deny it?
(Thanks, Crys.)
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Der Phonen.
This is a brilliantly surreal piece of Flash curiosa. Use an old rotary phone to dial up various 3-number combinations, and figure out slight puzzles to get to the next weird locale...
Fascinating because it's so damn weird and sorta... hypnotizingly interesting.
(Courtesy of Little Fluffy.)
Fascinating because it's so damn weird and sorta... hypnotizingly interesting.
(Courtesy of Little Fluffy.)
Meme alert!
(Lord, how I loathe that word.)
Rick's got a little thing going on, naming what books are on his Favorite Book Shelf. (The books are his favorites, not the shelf.) It's kinda neat. I figured, hey, why not fill up some space with that sorta thing? I know you're all dying to know what a Ragefuckian considers a "classic," in the most subjective of senses.
Roger Ebert's Movie Yearbook 1999 - I've been buying them every year since then, but that was the first one, and I think I spent two solid days reading that thing cover to cover. I love those books. Not only do we have every single review written in the past few years from A to Z, but you've also got interviews and Q&A's in the back. I love this guy's stuff, in no small part because he takes shit like comic books seriously, put Princess Mononoke in his Top 10 of the Year list before it was "cool" for critics to like anime, and he hates the goddamn MPAA with a passion.
The Thief of Always by Clive Barker - Yeah, his work can get a little... purple. This book had a pretty profound effect on me when I read it way back in 8th grade, and it's been a favorite ever since then. I have rarely been floored by a book like I was when I read the final quarter of this book, when the seasons go to war with each other.
The Scary Stories Treasury, adapted by Alvin Schwartz, with (highly disturbing) art by Stephen Gammell - Originally three volumes, sold as a kid's book. A great collection of ghost stories, each with its own piece of accompanying art and notes on regional source. I read my paperback editions of these literally to tatters in elementary school, and about flipped when I saw this in hardcover for $9. It's also the #1 most challenged book (to be banned) according to the American Library Assocation, and how the fuck can you not like that?
The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli - A profound book, a pragmatic book, a revelatory book, and for none of the reasons you might think. Machiavelli was by no means an "evil" man -- he was a product of his times, and unlike his contemporary philosophers, saw what men were like rather than what they should be like. The version I have is this tiny little paperback that cost $4, and I'd have paid five times that.
The Dark Tower Series by Stephen King - Whatever, it's not very "cool" to like Stephen King because he's so well-loved, but I don't give a rat's ass. What he's attempting to do here is tell his own Grand Tale, in the J.R.R. Tolkein style, but mixed in with a heavy dose of the King Arthur mythos and the spaghetti western. It's brilliant work, spanning (when it's done) seven books and some 30 years of writing. I've got no fucking idea what I'm going to do when the last book comes out; I've been following this series since I was 14.
American Tabloid by James Ellroy - My brother got me started on James Ellroy, and my brother's always had a nose for discovering something approximately six months before it hits big. Sure enough, he got me reading this and six months later, I heard L.A. Confidential had a greenlight. (I am aware Ellroy had a following and a fanbase long before, wiseass.) Ellroy's stuff hit me in the face like a sledgehammer -- I had no idea fiction could be like this. It's dirty, sleazy, horrific stuff, and damn if I don't find it compelling. I even got this bad boy signed by the man himself.
Dictionary of Superstitions by David Pickering - A small handy volume detailing superstitions from all across the globe (focus on Europe), along with copious cross-referencing and, when available, origins of each. Concise and incredibly informative.
The Autobiography of Malcolm X by Malcolm X and Alex Haley - I've never fought so hard against or been so changed by any one book like I have by this one. It is required reading, no exceptions. I think a hell of a lot of white people (such as myself) have/had the wrong idea about Malcolm X, and once you close this book you'll realize the man was a bona fide hero, with more courage than any ten people you know. Hard lesson.
Dracula by Bram Stoker - A beat-up little paperback I got when I was 10 and have read as many times since then. I love this book. I am, in fact, a Dracula fanboy. Nothing else Stoker has written has come anywhere near this unimpeachable masterpiece, but that's okay. Mina, Drac, Lucy, Van Helsing -- I feel like I know you guys.
How to Write Tales of Horror, Science-Fiction, & Fantasy, various - I actually swiped this from my 12th grade AP English teacher's stash, which is horrible, because she was one kickass teacher. The best books of this style don't just have "how to" stuff in them, they allow you to dig into the minds of some of your favorite writers big (Ray Bradbury), well known (Marion Zimmer Bradley), and small (Katherine Ramsland). Also included: each contributor rates their top 10 genre novels, short stories, and movies. Great stuff.
And that's all I got for now. It's a big bookshelf and my fingers are tired.
("That's what she said!")
Rick's got a little thing going on, naming what books are on his Favorite Book Shelf. (The books are his favorites, not the shelf.) It's kinda neat. I figured, hey, why not fill up some space with that sorta thing? I know you're all dying to know what a Ragefuckian considers a "classic," in the most subjective of senses.
Roger Ebert's Movie Yearbook 1999 - I've been buying them every year since then, but that was the first one, and I think I spent two solid days reading that thing cover to cover. I love those books. Not only do we have every single review written in the past few years from A to Z, but you've also got interviews and Q&A's in the back. I love this guy's stuff, in no small part because he takes shit like comic books seriously, put Princess Mononoke in his Top 10 of the Year list before it was "cool" for critics to like anime, and he hates the goddamn MPAA with a passion.
The Thief of Always by Clive Barker - Yeah, his work can get a little... purple. This book had a pretty profound effect on me when I read it way back in 8th grade, and it's been a favorite ever since then. I have rarely been floored by a book like I was when I read the final quarter of this book, when the seasons go to war with each other.
The Scary Stories Treasury, adapted by Alvin Schwartz, with (highly disturbing) art by Stephen Gammell - Originally three volumes, sold as a kid's book. A great collection of ghost stories, each with its own piece of accompanying art and notes on regional source. I read my paperback editions of these literally to tatters in elementary school, and about flipped when I saw this in hardcover for $9. It's also the #1 most challenged book (to be banned) according to the American Library Assocation, and how the fuck can you not like that?
The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli - A profound book, a pragmatic book, a revelatory book, and for none of the reasons you might think. Machiavelli was by no means an "evil" man -- he was a product of his times, and unlike his contemporary philosophers, saw what men were like rather than what they should be like. The version I have is this tiny little paperback that cost $4, and I'd have paid five times that.
The Dark Tower Series by Stephen King - Whatever, it's not very "cool" to like Stephen King because he's so well-loved, but I don't give a rat's ass. What he's attempting to do here is tell his own Grand Tale, in the J.R.R. Tolkein style, but mixed in with a heavy dose of the King Arthur mythos and the spaghetti western. It's brilliant work, spanning (when it's done) seven books and some 30 years of writing. I've got no fucking idea what I'm going to do when the last book comes out; I've been following this series since I was 14.
American Tabloid by James Ellroy - My brother got me started on James Ellroy, and my brother's always had a nose for discovering something approximately six months before it hits big. Sure enough, he got me reading this and six months later, I heard L.A. Confidential had a greenlight. (I am aware Ellroy had a following and a fanbase long before, wiseass.) Ellroy's stuff hit me in the face like a sledgehammer -- I had no idea fiction could be like this. It's dirty, sleazy, horrific stuff, and damn if I don't find it compelling. I even got this bad boy signed by the man himself.
Dictionary of Superstitions by David Pickering - A small handy volume detailing superstitions from all across the globe (focus on Europe), along with copious cross-referencing and, when available, origins of each. Concise and incredibly informative.
The Autobiography of Malcolm X by Malcolm X and Alex Haley - I've never fought so hard against or been so changed by any one book like I have by this one. It is required reading, no exceptions. I think a hell of a lot of white people (such as myself) have/had the wrong idea about Malcolm X, and once you close this book you'll realize the man was a bona fide hero, with more courage than any ten people you know. Hard lesson.
Dracula by Bram Stoker - A beat-up little paperback I got when I was 10 and have read as many times since then. I love this book. I am, in fact, a Dracula fanboy. Nothing else Stoker has written has come anywhere near this unimpeachable masterpiece, but that's okay. Mina, Drac, Lucy, Van Helsing -- I feel like I know you guys.
How to Write Tales of Horror, Science-Fiction, & Fantasy, various - I actually swiped this from my 12th grade AP English teacher's stash, which is horrible, because she was one kickass teacher. The best books of this style don't just have "how to" stuff in them, they allow you to dig into the minds of some of your favorite writers big (Ray Bradbury), well known (Marion Zimmer Bradley), and small (Katherine Ramsland). Also included: each contributor rates their top 10 genre novels, short stories, and movies. Great stuff.
And that's all I got for now. It's a big bookshelf and my fingers are tired.
("That's what she said!")
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
I'm a whore.
Want to help out your favorite Outpost o' Ragefuck on the internet? Well why not donate to the cause by buying me some shit?
I mean seriously. How can I provide you some good, solid entertainment if I don't have The Wicker Man playing on my TV while I read The Lottery and Other Stories? Am I right? Yeah?
I'm totally right.
Make it so.
I mean seriously. How can I provide you some good, solid entertainment if I don't have The Wicker Man playing on my TV while I read The Lottery and Other Stories? Am I right? Yeah?
I'm totally right.
Make it so.
...Indeed.
Fedx2k:
It's wonderful, isn't it?
It's wonderful, isn't it?
"Some blind zombie circus aerialist back from the dead to fight crime."
Superhero books, at least since the creation of Spider-Man, have been falling all over themselves to show that even though these fabulously powered guys in masks are in some ways invincible, they are in other ways as vulnerable as any random schmoe on the street. We are told again and again and again, ad nauseum, that physical might simply isn't enough to put a person's life in shape; it can, in fact make a person's life far, far worse.
But these are superhero comic books, and this harsh reality is cloaked in stylized and exagerrated hyperbole, told in almost distractingly overwrought melodrama. But it doesn't have to be told that way. Adam Beechen and Manny Bello's Hench takes a keen magnifiying glass to this kind of superhero tale, focusing in on the trials and tribulations of that guy who gets kicked in the pelvis by Batman in the third panel on page 2.
Mike Fulton is your average face in the crowd: big guy from all those years playing football in school, good at taking orders, wife and kid, nothing exceptional to his persona or appearance. Unfortunately for Mike, hitting guys he's ordered to hit is about all he's good at. What's a well-meaning but marginally-talented guy to do?
Hire on as a supervillain's henchman, that's what. Sure, the risks are high, jailtime is inevitable, and the boss may lash out at you at any time, but if you score, you score big. How, exactly, is that all that different from being part of a football team?
Jail is hardly a threat in itself. For a man whose finances are perpetually on the rope, six months of free room and board (as well as a chance to network with other henchmen) isn't really all that bad. Inevitably, they always let you back out again.
Ah, but then there's the wife and kid... and the very real threat to life and limb... and what's a man to do, when he's backed into a corner, and every new choice looks worse than the last one? How can you get yourself out of a life you know to be bad when the alternative is the crush and grind of 9-to-5 blue collar life?
Hench manages to address and, to some degree, answer those questions, but it's not as deadly serious as all that. The progression of Mike's career path, marked by full-page homages to comics masters of the past (Shuster, Steranko, Kirby, Romita Sr.) is a display of superhero comics' evolution through the decades. They're also pretty damn clever.
Some fuss has been kicked up about Manny Bello's art in this story; the man uses pencils for everything, including shading, ink be damned. It can take some getting used to. Take a closer look: what may at first glance appear to be workmanlike art is in fact technically perfect, unusually expressive, and consistent throughout. Bello's no master artist, not yet, but his storytelling skill is impeccable.
What's curious about the story is its method of narration; I'd be willing to wager that the ratio of thought captions to actual dialogue balloons is something like 5:1. Whole pages go by without anything being said out loud. The resulting tale is intimate, and we have no choice but to empathize with poor Mike. He's just a guy. And sometimes, well -- being just a guy may not cut it. Ask Peter Parker.
It's the intimacy of narration and the no-fuss finesse that make Hench work as well as it does. It's a superhero tale without a superhero, an X-Ray of what all those Lee/Kirby stories were getting at, a simple but strong tale told with the familiar tropes of the superhero genre. By the end, you do realize Mike Fulton is just a guy, and end up hoping that being "just a guy" is enough to make the right decision.
But these are superhero comic books, and this harsh reality is cloaked in stylized and exagerrated hyperbole, told in almost distractingly overwrought melodrama. But it doesn't have to be told that way. Adam Beechen and Manny Bello's Hench takes a keen magnifiying glass to this kind of superhero tale, focusing in on the trials and tribulations of that guy who gets kicked in the pelvis by Batman in the third panel on page 2.
Mike Fulton is your average face in the crowd: big guy from all those years playing football in school, good at taking orders, wife and kid, nothing exceptional to his persona or appearance. Unfortunately for Mike, hitting guys he's ordered to hit is about all he's good at. What's a well-meaning but marginally-talented guy to do?
Hire on as a supervillain's henchman, that's what. Sure, the risks are high, jailtime is inevitable, and the boss may lash out at you at any time, but if you score, you score big. How, exactly, is that all that different from being part of a football team?
Jail is hardly a threat in itself. For a man whose finances are perpetually on the rope, six months of free room and board (as well as a chance to network with other henchmen) isn't really all that bad. Inevitably, they always let you back out again.
Ah, but then there's the wife and kid... and the very real threat to life and limb... and what's a man to do, when he's backed into a corner, and every new choice looks worse than the last one? How can you get yourself out of a life you know to be bad when the alternative is the crush and grind of 9-to-5 blue collar life?
Hench manages to address and, to some degree, answer those questions, but it's not as deadly serious as all that. The progression of Mike's career path, marked by full-page homages to comics masters of the past (Shuster, Steranko, Kirby, Romita Sr.) is a display of superhero comics' evolution through the decades. They're also pretty damn clever.
Some fuss has been kicked up about Manny Bello's art in this story; the man uses pencils for everything, including shading, ink be damned. It can take some getting used to. Take a closer look: what may at first glance appear to be workmanlike art is in fact technically perfect, unusually expressive, and consistent throughout. Bello's no master artist, not yet, but his storytelling skill is impeccable.
What's curious about the story is its method of narration; I'd be willing to wager that the ratio of thought captions to actual dialogue balloons is something like 5:1. Whole pages go by without anything being said out loud. The resulting tale is intimate, and we have no choice but to empathize with poor Mike. He's just a guy. And sometimes, well -- being just a guy may not cut it. Ask Peter Parker.
It's the intimacy of narration and the no-fuss finesse that make Hench work as well as it does. It's a superhero tale without a superhero, an X-Ray of what all those Lee/Kirby stories were getting at, a simple but strong tale told with the familiar tropes of the superhero genre. By the end, you do realize Mike Fulton is just a guy, and end up hoping that being "just a guy" is enough to make the right decision.
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Tough moral choices.
From THE ROOMMATE: Who To Kill.
Furiously addictive. Make your choice between two people at a time, which one lives, which one dies?
Some are easy: The Tick vs. the Williams Sisters.
Some are unfairly hard: Ed Norton vs. Shaft.
Some, you want to kill them both: Bob Saget vs. Noid.
This link will deathfuck productivity. Fair warning.
Furiously addictive. Make your choice between two people at a time, which one lives, which one dies?
Some are easy: The Tick vs. the Williams Sisters.
Some are unfairly hard: Ed Norton vs. Shaft.
Some, you want to kill them both: Bob Saget vs. Noid.
This link will deathfuck productivity. Fair warning.
Oh, get the fuck over yourself.
So Warren Ellis finds a Suicide Bomber Barbie and posts it over at diepunyhumans.com:
Tyszko’s work might be described as being in the tradition of the long lost art of agitprop. ‘Capitalism defeats dissent and revolution’ Tyszko says, ‘not through direct confrontation, but through commodification.It sells back at a profit the signs, styles and symbols of revolution.’
By his appropriation of a consumerist icon, the artist creates an emphatic subversion of this process, the artist seeking to help create the conditions of political change.
Yeah. Or! It's a cheap gag touching on a current hot-button issue, mixed in with the most obvious "consumer icon" in the Western Hemisphere, short of strapping a bomb to the McDonald's logo.
Modern artists, here's why no one outside of your self-important niches care about you: You think moronic, childishly "symbolic" shit like this is a way to "help create the conditions of political change"? Who the fuck do you think you're kidding?
(For bonus points, there's a Noam Chomsky quote at the bottom... because, apparently, no adolescent decrying of The Man is complete without a goddamn Chomskyism.)
Tyszko’s work might be described as being in the tradition of the long lost art of agitprop. ‘Capitalism defeats dissent and revolution’ Tyszko says, ‘not through direct confrontation, but through commodification.It sells back at a profit the signs, styles and symbols of revolution.’
By his appropriation of a consumerist icon, the artist creates an emphatic subversion of this process, the artist seeking to help create the conditions of political change.
Yeah. Or! It's a cheap gag touching on a current hot-button issue, mixed in with the most obvious "consumer icon" in the Western Hemisphere, short of strapping a bomb to the McDonald's logo.
Modern artists, here's why no one outside of your self-important niches care about you: You think moronic, childishly "symbolic" shit like this is a way to "help create the conditions of political change"? Who the fuck do you think you're kidding?
(For bonus points, there's a Noam Chomsky quote at the bottom... because, apparently, no adolescent decrying of The Man is complete without a goddamn Chomskyism.)
A strange request.
Can anyone find a jpeg of Toby Edward Rosenthal's painting "Elaine"? The usual online places aren't helping a lot.
Thanks in advance. I'll shower you with love for at least 20 minutes if you find it.
Thanks in advance. I'll shower you with love for at least 20 minutes if you find it.
Monday, June 28, 2004
WE HAVE BEEN ROBBED!
From John McCrea's website:
Years after Grant Morrison and myself were proposing to do a Scooby Doo story together, I've finally got the chance to draw Scooby Doo at last.
Wait. Back up.
GRANT MORRISON and JOHN MCCREA writing a SCOOBY DOO comic book? Collaborated? They WANTED to do it?
As Shane said: Grant Morrison wrote a comic in which sentient sperm destroyed an entire town and he wanted to do Scooby Doo?
WHERE IS THIS COMIC? SHOW IT TO ME NOW!
Years after Grant Morrison and myself were proposing to do a Scooby Doo story together, I've finally got the chance to draw Scooby Doo at last.
Wait. Back up.
GRANT MORRISON and JOHN MCCREA writing a SCOOBY DOO comic book? Collaborated? They WANTED to do it?
As Shane said: Grant Morrison wrote a comic in which sentient sperm destroyed an entire town and he wanted to do Scooby Doo?
WHERE IS THIS COMIC? SHOW IT TO ME NOW!
Glorious!
Kind of funny, THE ROOMMATE and I were discussing yesterday whether or not a Bullseye series or mini would be viable if he were totally and utterly removed from the Daredevil-verse.
Elektra fared poorly in that same situation, but it was my idea that if you put Bullseye in a capes-less situation pitted between two crime families, or perhaps running his own in opposition to Kingpin, you could get something worthwhile out of it. The trick with making characters like Bullseye the "protagonist" (if not the "hero") is to make his opposition that much more vile. Or you revel in his utter bastardness.
And lordy lordy, Steve Dillon's doing the art! I've been wondering where this guy went off to.
(Quick: Who the hell is Daniel Way?)
I just pretty much geeked out in public, huh? But then, why else have a blog...
Elektra fared poorly in that same situation, but it was my idea that if you put Bullseye in a capes-less situation pitted between two crime families, or perhaps running his own in opposition to Kingpin, you could get something worthwhile out of it. The trick with making characters like Bullseye the "protagonist" (if not the "hero") is to make his opposition that much more vile. Or you revel in his utter bastardness.
And lordy lordy, Steve Dillon's doing the art! I've been wondering where this guy went off to.
(Quick: Who the hell is Daniel Way?)
I just pretty much geeked out in public, huh? But then, why else have a blog...
Just when you thought it was safe.
This picture's been floating around for awhile, but...
No lube.
(Thanks a fucking bunch for reminding me of this, Rick. Truly, your treachery respects no bounds or borders.)
ADDENDUM: Courtesy of internet funnyman K. Thor Jensen, I am pointed toward a whole bevvy of fucked-up cat-themed postcards. This shirt is pretty much a required purchase.
No lube.
(Thanks a fucking bunch for reminding me of this, Rick. Truly, your treachery respects no bounds or borders.)
ADDENDUM: Courtesy of internet funnyman K. Thor Jensen, I am pointed toward a whole bevvy of fucked-up cat-themed postcards. This shirt is pretty much a required purchase.
Just a lil sumpin' sumpin'.
Been hearing about Maria Full of Grace for some time now, breakout performance, Sundance award for the first-timer Catalina Sandino Moren, and so on and so forth. Good stuff.
Here's the trailer.
Doesn't precisely tell you a lot, beyond the summary: poor girl plays drug mule for desperately needed money. Things go poorly.
Somehow, that alone is intriguing.
Here's the trailer.
Doesn't precisely tell you a lot, beyond the summary: poor girl plays drug mule for desperately needed money. Things go poorly.
Somehow, that alone is intriguing.
Friday, June 25, 2004
Heh heh.
It's not comics news, but...
Buffeted by allegations of sex club forays, Republican candidate Jack Ryan on Friday dropped out of the U.S. Senate race in Illinois.
All the best stuff is right up front:
In a written statement, Ryan blamed the news media for the controversy, saying its interest in his personal life had gotten "out of control."
"It's clear to me that a vigorous debate on the issues most likely could not take place if I remain in the race," Ryan said. "What would take place, rather, is a brutal, scorched-earth campaign -- the kind of campaign that has turned off so many voters, the kind of politics I refuse to play."
Kinda sucks to be on the other end of it, doesn't it? Not so much fun when you're not the bully anymore.
Of course, Herr Ryan wasn't personally responsible for the ridiculous (and rather perverse) eight-year storm surrounding Bill Clinton's sex life, but I'm sure he didn't protest his party's doings in that, either.
Excuse me while I laugh. Heartily.
Buffeted by allegations of sex club forays, Republican candidate Jack Ryan on Friday dropped out of the U.S. Senate race in Illinois.
All the best stuff is right up front:
In a written statement, Ryan blamed the news media for the controversy, saying its interest in his personal life had gotten "out of control."
"It's clear to me that a vigorous debate on the issues most likely could not take place if I remain in the race," Ryan said. "What would take place, rather, is a brutal, scorched-earth campaign -- the kind of campaign that has turned off so many voters, the kind of politics I refuse to play."
Kinda sucks to be on the other end of it, doesn't it? Not so much fun when you're not the bully anymore.
Of course, Herr Ryan wasn't personally responsible for the ridiculous (and rather perverse) eight-year storm surrounding Bill Clinton's sex life, but I'm sure he didn't protest his party's doings in that, either.
Excuse me while I laugh. Heartily.
A Massive Review Post.
(Until I can get some actual content going. This'll span a couple-few weeks' worth of comics.)
Astonishing X-Men #2 - I feel really weird because I actually like this title quite a lot. Whedon's stuff on TV always did zip for me, but I find the dialogue good without being too much in comic book form, and I think I've figured out why: Whedon's dialogue, like theatre dialogue, reads a hell of a lot better than it sounds. It's a good-looking book, and while the story seems to be hovering around the inconsequential, it's still pretty damned entertaining.
Rating: I can't believe I actually have an X-title on my pull list now.
Runaways #16 - Hmm. Now that the big plot twist has been revealed, it feels entirely like a gimmick, a mechanical plot element that's in there because it's a good twist and not because it makes any kind of sense inside the story's logic. It's like how you can tell a really bad mystery from the good ones: if, in the end, the revelation of who the murderer is doesn't affect the previous story at all, and indeed it could have been any of them with the same impact, you've got a shitty mystery on your hands. Runaways has so far not been shitty, but I can't help but feel a little cheated. Maybe next issue will clarify.
Rating: Well.. I guess they can't all be home runs.
Wanted #4 - Mark Millar outfoxing his critics yet again. For the first three issues, Millar's kneejerk bashers have apparently thought the writer was eagerly endorsing the writing, citing the adventures of Wanted's main character as an immature dive into violence and sex and gore all for their own sake. I've said all along that what we are seeing is the character's immaturity writ large, and now it's all starting to come crashing down around him. Fuck the haters: this is a smart, fun, funny book. And it looks gorgeous.
Rating: Why can't we all just... shut the hell up and allow ourselves to enjoy something?
Dead@17: Blood of Saints #3 - As the covers get more and more like some kind of fetish catalogue... It all moves along pretty well, and I don't regret buying any of this stuff, but two things: the irregular dialogue balloons have GOT, TO, GO, and I don't know that in this series a whole hell of a lot has actually happened. Howard's art is superior to his writing, this is no lie, but he at least has an understanding of pacing lacking in, oh, say, Ultimate Spider-Man.
Rating: Mo' shit needs to happen!
The Ride #1 - I have high hopes for this title. The first two "chapters" presented in this particular issue were visually exciting and overall intriguing, if a little, shall we say, vague in the story department (where did the psycho schoolgirl bitch come from again?). Maybe my questions will be answered next issue; then again, maybe not. Do your duty and buy this title.
Rating: If this keeps up, I feel another title to get passionate about coming on.
Remains #2 - This'd be less painful for me if it didn't cost me Four Fucking Dollars an issue, but it's got zombies in it, and it's got Kieron Dwyer drawing them. I'll just be blunt here: This story, and Niles' work on it, are not worthy of Mr. Dwyer's art. Niles seems to be taking for granted that we'll automatically buy into (and care about) a Zombie Apocalypse setting, and gives us characters that struggle and strain to support one dimension, let alone two or three. This is a fallacy, and boy, are we suffering for it. And hey, look! A roving biker gang! That sure sounds like something straight out of Dawn of the Dead, right? Oh wait.. isn't Niles doing a shot-by-shot comic-ized version of that, too? Right.
Rating: Grumble.
Seaguy #2 - Mikester said it first and best, and no one's ever summarized Seaguy better: "This is probably as close as a long-time comic reader like me (or most of you, for that matter) will come to sharing the experience of someone who has never before read a comic book perusing an issue of, say JSA." Yeah, that's pretty much it. I'll be the first to say there's probably not a whole hell of a lot going on here, just the usual painfully simplistic tale of little-heroes-versus-big-evil-overlords (a la Invisibles) painted up in near-indecipherable language. It's enjoyable, but having to struggle to get through a straightforward story can get irksome. There, I said it; now all the snobs can call me unsophisticated, and I can tell them to lick my ass.
Ratings: I got in this far, didn't I? And I'm enjoying it, more or less. Might as well see it through to the end.
The Losers #13 - Oh holy mother of god, where did Jock go! Yes, the story was great, there were no less than three laugh-out-loud moments, it's intriguing and sophisticated without being obtuse, but where the fuck is Jock! Did I miss something? Was there an interview about this? Is this permanent? AHHHHH!!!
Rating: And who says I'm resistant to change?
303 Preview - Yeah. Burrows' art does absolutely zero for me, it always looks like... I don't know, cel shots from an animated show, but I think this could be good. Not first-tier Ennis work, but up there.
Rating: I'm in. You are too. No arguing!
Fraction #3 - Less happens here than has happened before, but this is still a solid, solid, solid read. What's interesting is the tone of narration: casual and conversational, a bit dry and sarcastic, and not done by any of the characters in the book (at least, so far as I can tell.) Where that puts us is a strange limbo between objective third-person narration captions and wholly subjective narrative thought captions, and it's kind of appealing. Adds a bit of spike to the story. Focus titles are in trouble, as you well know, so you really need to get your ass out there and give this one a try. (Hard Time is the other one that's quite superior, though I confess I have not yet read Touch.)
Rating: I will be a sad panda if/when this gets cut.
Ultimate Fantastic Four #7 - This series has been as dull as plain white toast up until now, and this issue here (Ellis's first on the title) is more a setup of things to come than a sequence of real events. Me? I'm excited. Sure, I'm an Ellis fan, and I'm glad that someone at least vaguely interested in science is now handling Marvel's science-based team, but everyone has a real reason to be pumped: Ellis has his hands on Dr. Fucking Doom again, and I doubt he has the clamps on him he did way back in the 2099 days. This book could get real nasty real fast.
Rating: Hooray!
Batman: Gotham Knights #54 - Best Bat-title going, and one that dares to treat the Joker as some kind of actual flesh-and-blood person and not just an insane force of nature. Apparently that irks a lot of people, but, well, you can imagine where I tell them to stick it, and how hard. (Hint: ass, very.) I like it. I like it a lot. I've had enough of Wayne struggling to be a loner from the family he's created and raised (we GET IT already!!), but luckily Robin steps in and snaps ol' Bats out of it pretty quickly. We hope. What's a crime is I'm sure this didn't sell half the issues that that Hush bullshit did, and comparing Hush to this storyline is like comparing a lightning bug to a lightning bolt.
(Bet you can't name that paraphrased quote, can you?)
Rating: The Bat title to buy, if there's to be only one. (I don't really consider Gotham Central to be a "Bat title," FYI.)
Street Angel #2 - This probably would have been a lot funnier if I hadn't read Scurvy Dogs already. Don't get me wrong, I was as enamored with the first issue as anyone else in the blogo-hive, but this issue was just... flat. Kinda tired. Ninjas were funny when The Tick was coming out like OVER A DECADE AGO, but you gotta reach a little harder. Sophomore slump, maybe; all that praise put too much performance anxiety on the creators and this comes out. Maybe anything after the debut issue would feel... less than.
Rating: Well, you know. Still better than most of the shit that comes out on a weekly basis.
The Nail #1 - Surprisingly interesting, though this is issue is all setup. That's fine. The Zombie-isms are definitely present, but stick more to the margins, held there by (I presume) Niles. I'll also say Zombie is about the only guy effectively using thought balloons alongside dialogue balloons to great effect.
Rating: Not bad, not bad.
The Authority: More Kev #2 - Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha... ahem, excuse me, I just... hahahahahahahahahahaha... okay, seriously, okay... hahaha.. ahem. Yes. Right. This is Ennis being bizarre, and if that's your sort of thing, it is impossible to go wrong here. May I also say that this man writes guys-talking-with-guys dialogue better than anyone else around? Kev Hawkins' SAS squad actually sounds like a group of macho guys in fucked-up situations? "This is the thing with the tiger." Oh, lordy.
Rating: Haaaaaahahahahahahahahaha.
She-Hulk #4 - Writer Dan Slott needs to seminars with mandatory attendance by the comic book fields' highest-paid writers. First topic: "How to tell an interesting, complete story in 24 pages while staying consistent with the larger meta-plot." Second topic: "How to make someone laugh from the very first panel." Third topic: "How to make Spider-Man funny again." Seriously, when was the last time Peter Parker was this funny? Bendis just makes him sorta irreverent, Millar's Parker has sort of a weary adultness about him, but this... oh, Peter, where have you been all these years? Anyway. The story is fun, funny, sweet, and just a good time. I'd pay twice the price.
Rating: More and more, a top title to look forward to. Why the fuck aren't you buying this?
Astonishing X-Men #2 - I feel really weird because I actually like this title quite a lot. Whedon's stuff on TV always did zip for me, but I find the dialogue good without being too much in comic book form, and I think I've figured out why: Whedon's dialogue, like theatre dialogue, reads a hell of a lot better than it sounds. It's a good-looking book, and while the story seems to be hovering around the inconsequential, it's still pretty damned entertaining.
Rating: I can't believe I actually have an X-title on my pull list now.
Runaways #16 - Hmm. Now that the big plot twist has been revealed, it feels entirely like a gimmick, a mechanical plot element that's in there because it's a good twist and not because it makes any kind of sense inside the story's logic. It's like how you can tell a really bad mystery from the good ones: if, in the end, the revelation of who the murderer is doesn't affect the previous story at all, and indeed it could have been any of them with the same impact, you've got a shitty mystery on your hands. Runaways has so far not been shitty, but I can't help but feel a little cheated. Maybe next issue will clarify.
Rating: Well.. I guess they can't all be home runs.
Wanted #4 - Mark Millar outfoxing his critics yet again. For the first three issues, Millar's kneejerk bashers have apparently thought the writer was eagerly endorsing the writing, citing the adventures of Wanted's main character as an immature dive into violence and sex and gore all for their own sake. I've said all along that what we are seeing is the character's immaturity writ large, and now it's all starting to come crashing down around him. Fuck the haters: this is a smart, fun, funny book. And it looks gorgeous.
Rating: Why can't we all just... shut the hell up and allow ourselves to enjoy something?
Dead@17: Blood of Saints #3 - As the covers get more and more like some kind of fetish catalogue... It all moves along pretty well, and I don't regret buying any of this stuff, but two things: the irregular dialogue balloons have GOT, TO, GO, and I don't know that in this series a whole hell of a lot has actually happened. Howard's art is superior to his writing, this is no lie, but he at least has an understanding of pacing lacking in, oh, say, Ultimate Spider-Man.
Rating: Mo' shit needs to happen!
The Ride #1 - I have high hopes for this title. The first two "chapters" presented in this particular issue were visually exciting and overall intriguing, if a little, shall we say, vague in the story department (where did the psycho schoolgirl bitch come from again?). Maybe my questions will be answered next issue; then again, maybe not. Do your duty and buy this title.
Rating: If this keeps up, I feel another title to get passionate about coming on.
Remains #2 - This'd be less painful for me if it didn't cost me Four Fucking Dollars an issue, but it's got zombies in it, and it's got Kieron Dwyer drawing them. I'll just be blunt here: This story, and Niles' work on it, are not worthy of Mr. Dwyer's art. Niles seems to be taking for granted that we'll automatically buy into (and care about) a Zombie Apocalypse setting, and gives us characters that struggle and strain to support one dimension, let alone two or three. This is a fallacy, and boy, are we suffering for it. And hey, look! A roving biker gang! That sure sounds like something straight out of Dawn of the Dead, right? Oh wait.. isn't Niles doing a shot-by-shot comic-ized version of that, too? Right.
Rating: Grumble.
Seaguy #2 - Mikester said it first and best, and no one's ever summarized Seaguy better: "This is probably as close as a long-time comic reader like me (or most of you, for that matter) will come to sharing the experience of someone who has never before read a comic book perusing an issue of, say JSA." Yeah, that's pretty much it. I'll be the first to say there's probably not a whole hell of a lot going on here, just the usual painfully simplistic tale of little-heroes-versus-big-evil-overlords (a la Invisibles) painted up in near-indecipherable language. It's enjoyable, but having to struggle to get through a straightforward story can get irksome. There, I said it; now all the snobs can call me unsophisticated, and I can tell them to lick my ass.
Ratings: I got in this far, didn't I? And I'm enjoying it, more or less. Might as well see it through to the end.
The Losers #13 - Oh holy mother of god, where did Jock go! Yes, the story was great, there were no less than three laugh-out-loud moments, it's intriguing and sophisticated without being obtuse, but where the fuck is Jock! Did I miss something? Was there an interview about this? Is this permanent? AHHHHH!!!
Rating: And who says I'm resistant to change?
303 Preview - Yeah. Burrows' art does absolutely zero for me, it always looks like... I don't know, cel shots from an animated show, but I think this could be good. Not first-tier Ennis work, but up there.
Rating: I'm in. You are too. No arguing!
Fraction #3 - Less happens here than has happened before, but this is still a solid, solid, solid read. What's interesting is the tone of narration: casual and conversational, a bit dry and sarcastic, and not done by any of the characters in the book (at least, so far as I can tell.) Where that puts us is a strange limbo between objective third-person narration captions and wholly subjective narrative thought captions, and it's kind of appealing. Adds a bit of spike to the story. Focus titles are in trouble, as you well know, so you really need to get your ass out there and give this one a try. (Hard Time is the other one that's quite superior, though I confess I have not yet read Touch.)
Rating: I will be a sad panda if/when this gets cut.
Ultimate Fantastic Four #7 - This series has been as dull as plain white toast up until now, and this issue here (Ellis's first on the title) is more a setup of things to come than a sequence of real events. Me? I'm excited. Sure, I'm an Ellis fan, and I'm glad that someone at least vaguely interested in science is now handling Marvel's science-based team, but everyone has a real reason to be pumped: Ellis has his hands on Dr. Fucking Doom again, and I doubt he has the clamps on him he did way back in the 2099 days. This book could get real nasty real fast.
Rating: Hooray!
Batman: Gotham Knights #54 - Best Bat-title going, and one that dares to treat the Joker as some kind of actual flesh-and-blood person and not just an insane force of nature. Apparently that irks a lot of people, but, well, you can imagine where I tell them to stick it, and how hard. (Hint: ass, very.) I like it. I like it a lot. I've had enough of Wayne struggling to be a loner from the family he's created and raised (we GET IT already!!), but luckily Robin steps in and snaps ol' Bats out of it pretty quickly. We hope. What's a crime is I'm sure this didn't sell half the issues that that Hush bullshit did, and comparing Hush to this storyline is like comparing a lightning bug to a lightning bolt.
(Bet you can't name that paraphrased quote, can you?)
Rating: The Bat title to buy, if there's to be only one. (I don't really consider Gotham Central to be a "Bat title," FYI.)
Street Angel #2 - This probably would have been a lot funnier if I hadn't read Scurvy Dogs already. Don't get me wrong, I was as enamored with the first issue as anyone else in the blogo-hive, but this issue was just... flat. Kinda tired. Ninjas were funny when The Tick was coming out like OVER A DECADE AGO, but you gotta reach a little harder. Sophomore slump, maybe; all that praise put too much performance anxiety on the creators and this comes out. Maybe anything after the debut issue would feel... less than.
Rating: Well, you know. Still better than most of the shit that comes out on a weekly basis.
The Nail #1 - Surprisingly interesting, though this is issue is all setup. That's fine. The Zombie-isms are definitely present, but stick more to the margins, held there by (I presume) Niles. I'll also say Zombie is about the only guy effectively using thought balloons alongside dialogue balloons to great effect.
Rating: Not bad, not bad.
The Authority: More Kev #2 - Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha... ahem, excuse me, I just... hahahahahahahahahahaha... okay, seriously, okay... hahaha.. ahem. Yes. Right. This is Ennis being bizarre, and if that's your sort of thing, it is impossible to go wrong here. May I also say that this man writes guys-talking-with-guys dialogue better than anyone else around? Kev Hawkins' SAS squad actually sounds like a group of macho guys in fucked-up situations? "This is the thing with the tiger." Oh, lordy.
Rating: Haaaaaahahahahahahahahaha.
She-Hulk #4 - Writer Dan Slott needs to seminars with mandatory attendance by the comic book fields' highest-paid writers. First topic: "How to tell an interesting, complete story in 24 pages while staying consistent with the larger meta-plot." Second topic: "How to make someone laugh from the very first panel." Third topic: "How to make Spider-Man funny again." Seriously, when was the last time Peter Parker was this funny? Bendis just makes him sorta irreverent, Millar's Parker has sort of a weary adultness about him, but this... oh, Peter, where have you been all these years? Anyway. The story is fun, funny, sweet, and just a good time. I'd pay twice the price.
Rating: More and more, a top title to look forward to. Why the fuck aren't you buying this?
Thursday, June 24, 2004
The comedy never stops.
A Wretched Hive of blah blah blah.
Now that my long adventure into the wilderness of Birmingham, Alabamer has driven away most of my daily audience, I return to you with another list thingy. Other folks are doing it, so why not me? I'm a bigass trendhopper as it is.
But I don't really wanna do comic book villains. Their "greatness" is fairly scarce, and unless I want my list to sound like everyone else's (Bullseye, Kingpin, etc), I need to cast my net a bit wider. Movies, books, comic books, whatever... though I'm going to stay contemporary and pop culturey, because that's what this list calls for.
Here they are, in no particular order.
THE BASTARD HALL OF FAME
Herr Starr, from Preacher - He's so good because he's so lovable, in his totally misanthropic, bastardly way. He wants to bring the world to order, his order, and he'll turn himself into a monster if that's what it takes. He's pragmatic, he's smart, he's resourceful, and to say that he is ruthless would imply that he had scruples to begin with. He's also entertaining as shit.
Quote: "I... have an erection." When walking down a gauntlet of tanks under his command.
Robert Carlyle as Colqhoun/Ives, in Ravenous - Utterly convincing as the fate-fucked Colqhoun, utterly nefarious as the cannibalistic Colonel Ives. His clever turns of phrase and rather cavalier attitude toward the act of murder and consumption of his fellow humans make Ives a nasty, nasty, nasty man. Witness the pivotal scene at the mouth of the cave, where the whole movie takes a 90 degree turn and marches off in a whole new direction -- Carlyle, the music, the screaming, it all comes together in a chilling (and yet oddly humorous) sequence. In a movie with a number of strong (or at least colorful) performances, Carlyle surpasses them all.
Quote: "I said no food, I didn't say we had nothing to eat. You understand?" Explaining his tale of woe to Ft. Baxter.
Henry Fonda as Frank, in Once Upon a Time in the West - Shane had recommended Lee Van Cleef from The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly, but for my money, OUATITW is Leone's best Western, and Frank is by far his most memorable villain. I'm not going to get into the discussion about lovable Henry Fonda being cast as such a bastard being arguably the best stunt-casting ever, because I wasn't alive when the movie came out so I can't appreciate what a shock it was to the audience of the time. But this motherfucker did shoot a young boy in cold blood after said boy had watched his entire family get gunned down, and he did bang the Widow McBain while at the same time maneuvering to steal out everything from under her and perhaps murder her in the process. Oh yeah, Frank's a bastard, but he's clever, too, and as liable to bite the hand that pays him as the one he's paid to bite. Those blue eyes, man. Jesus christ.
Quote: "People scare easier when they're dyin'." That may not be exact, I haven't watched the movie in like two weeks.
Pennywise the Clown, from Stephen King's It - The clown that traumatized a generation. It's easy to freak a kid out with a clown, but even in the 6th grade I was pretty savvy to gimmicky horror stunts like that. Pennywise was no stunt. His balloons, his ripping off of little kids' arms, that old drawing of him on a unicycle juggling as behind him a building full of people burned... and that cover art with the green scaly hand! Mary mother of god! Maybe it's way too proletariat of me to love Stephen King's work, but whatever. I don't give a fuck. Pennywise is the real deal, and as anyone who's not been in a coma for the past ten years knows, Tim Curry did a pretty damn good job of bringing him to life.
Quote: "We all float down here." Gah!
The Cluemaster, from Batman titles - Nah, I'm just fucking with you.
Quote: Probably something lame.
The Strangers, from Dark City - I saw this movie on opening day, at like 11am. The theatre was mostly empty (as reflected by the box office receipts.) I was alone. The opening scenes: a confused man wakes up in a hotel room, unaware of who he is or how he got there, and finds the nude body of a carved-up woman by his bed. He gets a phone call from a panicky-voiced man telling him he must leave right now, and as the man flees down the hall, we see an elevator door open... and these motherfuckers step out. Tall, gaunt, pale as snow, dressed in black fedoras and longcoats like some goth kid's vision of Sam Spade -- I audibly inhaled when I saw them. Such raw menace. Sure, The Matrix came on some time later and effectively raped Dark City of its ideas and by extension its impact, but these guys still do it for me.
Quote: Ah... nothing comes to mind specifically, but put it in a creepy British accent, and you're good to go.
Emperor Palpatine, from The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi - When Darth Vader says you're not as forgiving as he is, you are one bad motherfucker. Sure, Palpatine is in the first trilogy a variation on the Cackling Villain, but fuck if he isn't the template on which all other Cackling Villains should be based -- a man of grand vision, immense power, and an undeniably corrupt, evil bent. He's remarkably effective in the newer trilogy too, though I seem to be the rare individual who loved Episode I and thought Episode II was strictly a'ight. No one seems to pick up on what he's doing, the audience least of all, but those who watch Episodes I and II with at least a little bit of their brain operating can see Palpatine tightening the noose around the doomed Republic. Every maneuver is planned, every misstep taken into account and prepared for; Palpatine has mastered that rare trick of taking over while convincing his enemies that they are coming out on top. Palpatine is a mastermind par whatever.
Quote: "So be it... Jedi."
The Smiler, aka Gary Callahan, from Transmetropolitan - Oh, what a bastard. What a total, irredeemable, evil, manipulative, hate-inspiring, loathsome, revolting piece of diseased pigshit. I hated this son of a bitch in ways I have never hated anyone else, real or fictional, and a lot of it has to do with the fact that though all those despicable traits combined into one person are cartoonish, they are all indicative of genuine trends in society. He is every last repulsive tic and foible of humanity, and they went and made him the fucking president. Spider Jerusalem's brand of heroism was virtually defined by his ability to go toe-to-toe with the most powerful man in the world, and you didn't have a comic without the Smiler. The fucker.
Quote: "Yes, General, I am masturbating into the American flag again. It relaxes me. Do you have a problem with it? Would you rather I used you?"
That's all for now. It's late, I'm tired, yadda yadda.
Welcome back to the Ragefuck.
But I don't really wanna do comic book villains. Their "greatness" is fairly scarce, and unless I want my list to sound like everyone else's (Bullseye, Kingpin, etc), I need to cast my net a bit wider. Movies, books, comic books, whatever... though I'm going to stay contemporary and pop culturey, because that's what this list calls for.
Here they are, in no particular order.
THE BASTARD HALL OF FAME
Herr Starr, from Preacher - He's so good because he's so lovable, in his totally misanthropic, bastardly way. He wants to bring the world to order, his order, and he'll turn himself into a monster if that's what it takes. He's pragmatic, he's smart, he's resourceful, and to say that he is ruthless would imply that he had scruples to begin with. He's also entertaining as shit.
Quote: "I... have an erection." When walking down a gauntlet of tanks under his command.
Robert Carlyle as Colqhoun/Ives, in Ravenous - Utterly convincing as the fate-fucked Colqhoun, utterly nefarious as the cannibalistic Colonel Ives. His clever turns of phrase and rather cavalier attitude toward the act of murder and consumption of his fellow humans make Ives a nasty, nasty, nasty man. Witness the pivotal scene at the mouth of the cave, where the whole movie takes a 90 degree turn and marches off in a whole new direction -- Carlyle, the music, the screaming, it all comes together in a chilling (and yet oddly humorous) sequence. In a movie with a number of strong (or at least colorful) performances, Carlyle surpasses them all.
Quote: "I said no food, I didn't say we had nothing to eat. You understand?" Explaining his tale of woe to Ft. Baxter.
Henry Fonda as Frank, in Once Upon a Time in the West - Shane had recommended Lee Van Cleef from The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly, but for my money, OUATITW is Leone's best Western, and Frank is by far his most memorable villain. I'm not going to get into the discussion about lovable Henry Fonda being cast as such a bastard being arguably the best stunt-casting ever, because I wasn't alive when the movie came out so I can't appreciate what a shock it was to the audience of the time. But this motherfucker did shoot a young boy in cold blood after said boy had watched his entire family get gunned down, and he did bang the Widow McBain while at the same time maneuvering to steal out everything from under her and perhaps murder her in the process. Oh yeah, Frank's a bastard, but he's clever, too, and as liable to bite the hand that pays him as the one he's paid to bite. Those blue eyes, man. Jesus christ.
Quote: "People scare easier when they're dyin'." That may not be exact, I haven't watched the movie in like two weeks.
Pennywise the Clown, from Stephen King's It - The clown that traumatized a generation. It's easy to freak a kid out with a clown, but even in the 6th grade I was pretty savvy to gimmicky horror stunts like that. Pennywise was no stunt. His balloons, his ripping off of little kids' arms, that old drawing of him on a unicycle juggling as behind him a building full of people burned... and that cover art with the green scaly hand! Mary mother of god! Maybe it's way too proletariat of me to love Stephen King's work, but whatever. I don't give a fuck. Pennywise is the real deal, and as anyone who's not been in a coma for the past ten years knows, Tim Curry did a pretty damn good job of bringing him to life.
Quote: "We all float down here." Gah!
The Cluemaster, from Batman titles - Nah, I'm just fucking with you.
Quote: Probably something lame.
The Strangers, from Dark City - I saw this movie on opening day, at like 11am. The theatre was mostly empty (as reflected by the box office receipts.) I was alone. The opening scenes: a confused man wakes up in a hotel room, unaware of who he is or how he got there, and finds the nude body of a carved-up woman by his bed. He gets a phone call from a panicky-voiced man telling him he must leave right now, and as the man flees down the hall, we see an elevator door open... and these motherfuckers step out. Tall, gaunt, pale as snow, dressed in black fedoras and longcoats like some goth kid's vision of Sam Spade -- I audibly inhaled when I saw them. Such raw menace. Sure, The Matrix came on some time later and effectively raped Dark City of its ideas and by extension its impact, but these guys still do it for me.
Quote: Ah... nothing comes to mind specifically, but put it in a creepy British accent, and you're good to go.
Emperor Palpatine, from The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi - When Darth Vader says you're not as forgiving as he is, you are one bad motherfucker. Sure, Palpatine is in the first trilogy a variation on the Cackling Villain, but fuck if he isn't the template on which all other Cackling Villains should be based -- a man of grand vision, immense power, and an undeniably corrupt, evil bent. He's remarkably effective in the newer trilogy too, though I seem to be the rare individual who loved Episode I and thought Episode II was strictly a'ight. No one seems to pick up on what he's doing, the audience least of all, but those who watch Episodes I and II with at least a little bit of their brain operating can see Palpatine tightening the noose around the doomed Republic. Every maneuver is planned, every misstep taken into account and prepared for; Palpatine has mastered that rare trick of taking over while convincing his enemies that they are coming out on top. Palpatine is a mastermind par whatever.
Quote: "So be it... Jedi."
The Smiler, aka Gary Callahan, from Transmetropolitan - Oh, what a bastard. What a total, irredeemable, evil, manipulative, hate-inspiring, loathsome, revolting piece of diseased pigshit. I hated this son of a bitch in ways I have never hated anyone else, real or fictional, and a lot of it has to do with the fact that though all those despicable traits combined into one person are cartoonish, they are all indicative of genuine trends in society. He is every last repulsive tic and foible of humanity, and they went and made him the fucking president. Spider Jerusalem's brand of heroism was virtually defined by his ability to go toe-to-toe with the most powerful man in the world, and you didn't have a comic without the Smiler. The fucker.
Quote: "Yes, General, I am masturbating into the American flag again. It relaxes me. Do you have a problem with it? Would you rather I used you?"
That's all for now. It's late, I'm tired, yadda yadda.
Welcome back to the Ragefuck.
