Monday, November 15, 2004

Why John Byrne Sucks. 

1) Ian talks about the Hard Time TPB he won from yours truly. He has words of wisdom:

Over the course of three days I’ve now read all ten issues of the series that have been published. I can say to you that this series (which is be put on hiatus with issue 12 but is getting brought back, hopefully under the Vertigo banner) is probably one of the best comics out there and certainly one of the best being put out by a company like DC.

Gods bless ya and keep ya, Ian.

2) As you know, I gave away some copies of the TPB for She-Hulk, and my sole contest requirement was that I be given amusing reasons that John Byrne sucks.

Here's the winner. It's good enough I felt I should share it.

John Byrne sucks BIG TIME!! I once saw John Byrne rape a nun and then burn her alive just so he could later skin her and wear her as a suit. Then, disguised as a nun, John Byrne infiltrated the church and would perform gross three way sexual acts with priests and altar boys. In the middle of these acts, he would take off his nun skin suit and scream "I DREW THE DARK PHOENIX SAGA!" and stab the priest in the left eyeball with a game boy game. Not one of those new games, mind you. But the old school, big as a brick versions. While the priest grasps at his face and screams for help, John Byrne sticks a sketching pencil up his neck right through his vocal cords, preventing any real sound from escaping the priest's mouth.

And while the altar boy looks on in horror, John Byrne whips out his cock and starts jiggling it around. John looks the boy in the face and says "You ready to meet the Justice League, you little fag meat?" and begins pissing on the little boy. The altar boy can't stand it and starts drowning on the piss that's being forced down his throat. John Byrne simply laughs and screams "YEAH!!! EMBRACE MY LIFE TAKING FLUIDS!!!"

After the boy dies, John cuts him open and uses his blood to draw an issue of Alpha Flight.

And he did all of this....on Tuesday.

That's why John Byrne sucks.

Hell, I think Alpha Flight might be a good enough reason in itself.

Yep. He wins.

(Comics Weblog Updater, I will kill you with my teeth.)

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