Tuesday, September 28, 2004


Give Rick hits.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Still alive. 

Been on hiatus for various reasons, most of them not very interesting. So, here we go.

1) We need to stop worrying about what a geeky subculture we have. The conventions and the cosplay and all that -- it's really not that big a deal. This weekend, driving to and from Missouri (and taking a detour into Arkansas), I saw a few things.

For one, I saw Civil War re-enactors.

For two, I saw an RV Hall of Fame. Yeah, RV as in Recreational Vehicle.

For three, sitting in my brother's bar, I saw the NTN trivia thing going on on a few TVs, and it flashed pictures of trivia "teams" across the country who played weekly or, in some cases, nightly.

For four, I went to the Alabama/Arkansas football game. Waited around afterward with my brother so we could meet Bama's players and coach, Mike Shula. And boy howdy, we weren't the only ones there. Tons of people standing around for 45 minutes to an hour after spending the past 3 boiling in the sun, so they could glimpse a college football coach for 35 seconds.

Simple point of fact is that everyone has their obsession. Everyone takes ONE thing too far. If I were Warren Ellis, I'd say something like "Everyone wants to be part of a tribe" to describe how humans do everything they can to define themselves by a hobby or obsession or choice of constant entertainment.

We have nothing to be ashamed of.

2) Do we have any good mainstream writers? Writers that can appeal to a larger audience that isn't already into comic books? I appreciate the genius of wunderkind Grant Morrison, but would New X-Men have any kind of resonance for someone who didn't slog through the Claremont years already? Seaguy was hard enough to follow for people who'd been reading comics for decades, so you can forget about anyone outside of comics getting into it.

Planetary is the same way. I could go on with a list of titles, but I'm lazy. But we seem to be obsesed with giving the most credibility to titles that are essentially insular, closed-circuit works; if you're a fan, they're great, if not, it won't mean half as much to you.

And how fucking useful is that? Self-referential commentaries are the best we can offer? That can't be right.

3) I'm a proud uncle, and it's about time I subjected you to evidence of that. Hey, this is a blog. It was only a matter of time before I posted pictures of my relatives or cats or something.

My sister's boys, John (big one) and Will (little one). Will's about two weeks old. He redefines tiny.

That's my brother and Sonny, proud parents of (left) Patton and (right) Riley. They're twins. The funny thing is is that Patton is usually the calm one, but here it looks like he just got done devouring an entire Smurf village.

They're the cutest kids in the whole fucking universe, and that has nothing to do with the fact they're related to me by blood.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

A bargain at any price. 

So as you may have noticed, I haven't been blogging much lately. That's because for the past two weeks I've been house sitting, and the only computer there is a pre-Flood monstrosity running on a perky 24k dial-up connection. Such a sad life.

It's my mom's house I was house sitting, actually. I spent some time cleaning up my old room, basically tossing out the junk, and I opened up a trunk that hadn't been cracked open in at least 10 years. I found a ton of shit in there -- baseball cards, a Roger Staubach autograph, poker chips, some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle stuff, and then...

Records. Comic book records. Little 7" LPs of various characters engaging in no-doubt breathtaking adventures against the lamest villains in the history of ever. I couldn't just toss this stuff away, and I figured, hey, why not ask the blog community if they have any interest? I'd much rather someone I semi-know have these things instead of a random eBay jackoff, so. Drop me a line at crimson at lethaldeath dot com and let me know. I won't charge you a dime, and I'll even pay postage.

Here they are:

Gonna go out on a limb and say Spidey wins this one.

If I weren't the laziest asshole on earth, I'd scan and post classic panels from this book, as it's an actual comic book that comes with a record, rather than the record running solo. And I wouldn't dream of revealing who this particular Phoenix really is.

That cover kind of turns me on. I named the file "he's a plastic man" because I'm fucking clever.

Actually, this one's not available. I already have someone in mind for it... I only posted it because I'm a big tease. I also have no idea why I named the file "StarkTrek."

Nothing funny to add here.

"Superman vs. Weatherspoon's Catalyst" is possibly the most boring comics story title of all time. It sounds like Superman's going to spend the next 30 minutes punching a physics theorem. (This is the part where someone comments that Weatherspoon's Catalyst is a physics theorem, and right after that is the part where I kick their teeth in.)

I named this file "Supes" to piss John Byrne off.

Once again, that's crimson at lethaldeath dot com. Lemme know if you want one. I make no guarantees on if the records are scratched to hell or not -- my only record player went the way of the dodo 15 years ago.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004



I've decided, in light of recent events, to stop saying "Jesus!," or its variation, "Jesus Christ!," or any variation with a middle word (i.e. "Jesus Tapdancing Christ!") to express displeasure or surprise.

As we all know, words are concrete, static things whose meaning does not change with usage by various age groups, genders, races, sexual preferences, and soda preferences. Their usage also does not change or drastically alter over relatively short periods of time. A particular word or phrase always means what it's always meant. Words are also never used ironically or for the sake of deflation of said word's importance. It is a sober place, the English language, and no variation or deviation exists. Language does not evolve or mutate.

We know all this to be absolute, undeniable truth.

I will therefore stop using the Lord and Savior's name in vain to express the aforementioned displeasure or surprise, because it is an obvious taint on the Christ Jesus. I am obviously associating the Christ -- and by extension the Church, in all its various forms, as well as all organized religion beyond it -- with mild frustration, and that simply cannot stand. It's disrespectful, blasphemous, insensitive, and I would even go so far as to hypocritically (and rather blandly) call myself a fucking cumsmear if I ever did it again.

Now that that's settled, let's get back to the important topics, like why Hal Jordan R0X0RS.

You fucking idiots.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Snark is the new irony. 


First: apologies all around for not updating lately. I've been house sitting at a place with no broadband and a computer older than Jesus.

And just something that's been on my mind:

I don't like snark. It's dishonest.

This is problematic for me. Snark just last week edged out English as the primary language of the Western Internet, and it's the primary way to say such varied things as Thinking That Guy's Adoration of Bendis Is Stupid to Thinking That Guy's Adoration of John Kerry Is Stupid. It's a handy tool. It makes people feel big.

But it's dishonest.

As far as I can tell, Snark is the younger sibling to belligerent Sarcasm and snivelling Irony. (The parents are Arrogance and Insecurity. And let's hope Dorian is right about Irony.) Its purpose is to insult someone with a backhanded comment and make the Snarker look big. Basically, it's a way for the weak to be bullies.

Sarcasm's useful, recognized, and blunt. Irony, in doses so small it can't be seen with the human eye, is tolerable. With snark, less is more. In fact, not using it at all is more.

The next time you find yourself thinking over that perfect one-liner to zing the shit out of someone, sit back and think: would my point be much better made if I just came out and said what I felt?

If your answer is no, then your opinion isn't worth knowing.

Monday, September 06, 2004

Two things. 

1) I keep forgetting to mention this one. Digital Webbing Presents #17 came out this past Wednesday, featuring a lengthy Bad Elements story from our very own Kevin Melrose. It's pretty fucking fantastic, actually, and that's not just me shaking my Team Blogger pom poms. The man knows how to write a solid story with weirdness creeping in around the edges. Love the frogs. BUY IT!

2) Will and I have been constructing the ultimate movie. It's basically Aliens vs. Predators vs. Terminators vs. Future Humans vs. Ash vs. John McClane vs. Magneto. Go. Read. Contribute your own ideas.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Cuz it's the nice thing to do. 

I don't know if they lie in the hurricane's Path O' Destruction or not, but I know Shane and Dave I. are Floridians and were battening down the hatches in preparation. Be nice of us to put our thoughts to them right now, and wish them well.


(I miss anyone?)

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Some stuff. 


1) Hello, CBR.

2) In a startling new development, Green Lantern psychoes are getting worked up about something that has no impact on real life, or, for that matter, real comics. ("Real" has a very specific meaning, here.) But we all know what I think about the Green Lantern concept, don't we?

3) Nothing. There is no third thing.

4) R.I.P. Grotesque Anatomy. That is horribly fucking depressing. I vote everyone go on over to GA and tell Jakala you won't stop commenting on his blog till he starts blogging again. If that makes any sense. (It doesn't.)

5) Galactus and "Better Living Through Chemistry" on the New Avengers? I'd buy 20 copies of that and hand it out to friends. (Thanks to Rick for spottin' it.)

6) Thank the fuck christ for Bullseye: Greatest Hits. It may or may not be a worthwhile series, I can't really tell yet, but I'm just glad to see Dillon pencilling on a major title right now. If I had my way, he'd be pencilling ... like everything.

7) I'm a Birds of Prey fan, but I can't for the life of me attach a definite personality to Black Canary. Who the hell is she? And that's not a call for elaborate backstories, fanboy -- tell me WHY SHE MATTERS? What's intriguing about her concept? If it's there, maybe I just haven't seen it yet. Huntress: interesting. Oracle: interesting. Black Canary: blank slate in fishnets. Being blonde, a little sassy, and having a sonic scream isn't enough to sell me on the concept.

8) It's really funny to be watching the WE Channel (don't ask why) and seeing previews for that movie Molly, and lo and behold, the sensitive therapist who (creepily) loves Molly just the way she is is none other than the Punisher. I laughed. So what? You did too, you fuckin' hypocrite.

9) I want you to do me a favor, and it's a big one, because it takes some time. I want you to go out to Taco Bell and get like 20 burrito supremes, or whatever they call them. Eat them all in one sitting. I know, I know; just do it. You'll get your chance to vomit later.

Wait about 6 hours, and during that time eat lots of fiber. Now go to the bathroom. Do what comes natural.

Now I need you to vomit the rest of the fiber/burrito stuff into the bowl, on top of your droppings.

What you are now looking at has more deeply affected the world than the Olympics.

10) Fallen Angel contest. Enter it. Win an autographed trade. Very easy.

11) I'm glad THE ROOMMATE and I get the privilege to pay Comcast to monopolize our cable service selection. I'm also glad we pay them an obscene amount of money to have a fucked-up cable connection that works for spurts of 20 minutes at a time before randomly giving out. But the best part! The best part is not getting a technician for four days after phoning it in. It's like those folks at McDonald's say: I'm lovin' it, now pass me the Pepto!

12) Dorian speaks wise, as he is wont to do: ...there are plenty of comics for kids, and plenty of kids who read comics. We've got a big section in the store of kid-appropriate comics and it does brisk business. And that's not even mentioning the manga. So, again, when people say that "there are no comics for kids" or "kids don't read comics" what they really mean is: "kids today don't read the kinds of comics I read when I was their age." Which is really a rather self-centered and narcisstic view, I think. There's no logical reason in the world why kids today would want the same kinds of entertainment as kids ten, twenty, thiry, forty, etc. years ago would.

13) Nothing. Leave.

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