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Tuesday, April 06, 2004

We, as a nation, need to apologize to Alan Moore. 

Oh, for fuck's sake.

"We're going to do 'The Watchmen,' '' says producer Lloyd Levin. "It's about a group of superheroes who reunite to figure out who is trying to kill them off."

No. No no no no no no no no no no no no NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!

You just laid out a high concept, Levin. Watchmen defies high concept. It is immune to high concept. I cannot imagine how thoroughly the book will be savaged to squeeze it into a two-hour movie. Watchmen, on film, could only be reasonably serviced by, I don't know, a 10-part series of 3 hours apiece.

Maybe.

And how does one go from Hellboy's success to thinking, "Hey! You know what's a great follow-up to our enjoyable but completely fluffy occult action romp? Watchmen!"

That's like deciding that, since you enjoyed The Berenstein Bears Go to School so much, you think you'll try out a little bit of that Finnegans Wake action.

(In other news, you should tell me what a big loser you are, to win a full run of The Losers and an autographed poster.)

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